Shame/Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever felt like you don't belong in your field or profession, even though you have the qualifications and achievements to prove it? Have you ever doubted your abilities and feared being exposed as a fraud or a fake? If so, you might be suffering from imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon that affects many people, especially women and minorities.

Imposter syndrome is the feeling of being inadequate or incompetent, despite evidence to the contrary. It is the belief that you have somehow fooled others into thinking that you are more capable than you really are, and that sooner or later, they will find out the truth and reject you. Imposter syndrome can cause anxiety, stress, low self-esteem, and even depression.

But where does imposter syndrome come from? And how can we overcome it? One of the main causes of imposter syndrome is shame. Shame is the emotion that we feel when we think that we are unworthy of love, respect, or acceptance. Shame makes us hide our true selves and avoid exposing our flaws or weaknesses. Shame makes us feel like we are not good enough, and that we have to constantly prove ourselves to others.

It comes from our tribal instincts rooted in evolution.

Let me try to explain this idea in a more detailed and clear way. Imagine that someone makes a statement about something, but it turns out to be false or inaccurate. What happens next? Well, according to this theory, the person who made the mistake feels a deep sense of shame and fear. They think that the people who heard their statement will judge them harshly, and will no longer accept them as part of the group. They think that they have failed to meet the expectations of others, and that they are not worthy of love or belonging. They think that they will be rejected and abandoned by the group, and that they will not survive on their own. This is what is called the ingrained perception, which is a primal instinct that we inherited from our ancestors who lived in tribes and depended on each other for survival. In short, imposter syndrome, and shame, come from a perceived evolutionary idea that they will die if found out and deemed unworthy.

Shame is often rooted in our childhood experiences, such as being criticized, rejected, or humiliated by our parents, teachers, peers, or other authority figures. Shame can also be influenced by our culture, society, or media, which may impose unrealistic or oppressive standards of success, beauty, or morality. Shame can make us internalize negative messages about ourselves and our identities, such as "I am not smart enough", "I am not attractive enough", "I am not worthy enough".

When we feel shame, we tend to cope with it in two ways: perfectionism or procrastination. Perfectionism is the attempt to do everything flawlessly and avoid any mistakes or failures. Procrastination is the avoidance of doing anything at all and postponing tasks or decisions until the last minute. Both strategies are driven by the fear of being judged or exposed as inadequate. Both strategies can also reinforce imposter syndrome because they prevent us from learning from our experiences and developing our skills and confidence.

This program will help you to deal with the shame, and build your confidence and belief in yourself, to eliminate the issues such as imposter syndrome.